So I made some videos... and idk if I want to put them up or not because they're so personal... and yeah I'm fat and homely but who cares. I felt so much better after though. And after I came inside the house, a lady bug flew out of my hair. Which to us has always been a symbol of hope, & of course luck. Anybody who knows me knows I've gone through hell. My stories are sad, crazy, sometimes depressing, but mostly inspiring... I haven't had a lot of good experiences in life, but I've always persevered & I've been able to experience powerful miracles. Like when Juan had cancer & 2 weeks before he started chemo I got pregnant with a "now or never" miracle baby. When my afp levels were slightly elevated and I wept for my unborn child thinking he would have cerebral palsy, hydrocephaly, or be born with a hole in his spine. He came out fine. Every time I almost died from my mystery sickness- time and time again. I got it off drinking fountains when i was 5. They called it a zebra. It lays dormant in my spine until my immunity is at its lowest and attacks. Leaves me in and out of consciousness for days on end with high fever and swelling of my tongue and throat. When I was 12 I got hit with mono, toxoplasmosis, and the zebra. After matt died I cried until my eyes swelled shut and I was experiencing bouts of sleep paralysis and I couldnt keep anything in my stomach to the point where i was throwing up blood and for 6 months I was in and out of the hospital getting ivs 2-3 times a week so that my veins collapse on impact. After Juan & I had our separation, I had leg swelling & my bones chipping off in my feet from being too active, running 9 miles every other day, breaking ribs from bike riding, up all night working and never really sleeping.. and I needed rest. I finally moved back home last year. Juan came too. Trying to work things out for the umpteenth time. I always try to stay distracted when I'm going through something.. exercise, meditate, walk, read, write... I got injured at work, my hands didnt work for awhile, quit my job, & now stay home to help. I came home to help and I worked until my injury. Now I can actually help. My grandma has alzheimers & copd so oxygen 24 hours a day with breathing treatments every 4. Organ failure setting in.... Jay has behavioral/social/emotional issues at school that comes from being on the autism spectrum. A lot of the same issues I had, he has too. We're both very different from regular people. And I think it's a blessing. But now something else is going on too. And idk what's going to happen. I enrolled in school and again might not be able to go bc of family things... and I have to stay strong and take care of things and it's hard to keep my shit together. My mom just went to Georgia for an emergency appt for her kidney last week. Her deformed horseshoe kidney. They didn't do shit for her. Not a damn thing. Said it was a super kidney. Fuck Kaiser- Kaiser sucks. They botched my tonsilectomy so that I have a catch pocket in my throat. They don't give a shit. Her other doctor she saw, diagnosed her with end stages of renal failure, along with all of her other ailments that Kaiser never gave a shit about. My mom's constantly in fucking pain.... and now she's crying, bawling her eyes out, because her time is limited. And she doesn't want one of my kidneys... so I'm asking for all the prayers I can. And hope. Anytime we have ever been in need, God has always come through for us.. hope & prayers. Thank you. maternity prom items for pregnant brides